“If the Holy One,
blessed be He, had not taken our ancestors from Egypt, behold we and our
children and our children's children would [all still] be enslaved to Pharaoh
in Egypt.”
This text from the Haggadah begs the famous question, “Really?” That is to say, ancient Egypt is
long defunct. Had we really not been taken
out by G-d at that time, probably we would have eventually gotten out of that
jam when Egypt was conquered by the next up-and-coming world power. So what is
the Haggadah talking about here? The famous answer is that we are not talking
about physical freedom, but about spiritual freedom, which, after all, is
what Judaism is all about. Had we not been
saved from Egypt, we would have completely assimilated and lost our Jewish
identities, our Jewish selves, our Jewish missions.
The impact of the environments we live in and of our surrounding
cultures cannot be taken lightly. Though
we were nearly lost in Egypt, Jews have remained Jews through the worst
physical persecutions. Jewish identity
in America today is more threatened than it was for centuries in Poland under
oppressive regimes and crushing poverty, until the Enlightenment opened up new
avenues for Jews into European society and assimilation began en masse.
Modern Western culture may share more with ancient Egypt,
however, than with the Europe of recent history. The linguistic root of the word
“Pharaoh” in Hebrew means “wild, let loose, shameless.” When we say we would
still be slaves to Pharaoh, we indeed
mean a spiritual slavery, a slavery of our soul to our baser instincts. One can
be free to move about as he pleases and still be acting more out of compulsion
than contemplation. If you aren’t sure
how to understand this idea, ask someone who’s addicted to drugs, or alcohol,
or better yet, internet pornography – they’ll tell you what it’s like to be enslaved
to the power of desire.
Our society today aggressively pushes a life of the body
over the mind, let alone the soul. Our
girls are taught that their only value is in the shape of their physique, and
that only one kind of shape is acceptable.
They are sexualized at younger and younger ages and are being taught how
to flaunt that sexuality front and center, rather than channel it for meaningful
ends. Meanwhile, our boys continue to
learn that their greatest worth comes from the conquest of women, and society continues
to give them a “presidential pardon” when they engage in such conquest by force
or coercion. They are stars when they
are celebrities and athletes, and are thus given a pass on all kinds of ignoble
behaviors.
This is nothing you don’t already know. But have you stopped
to think lately about how you too are a part of this shamelessness? How society
has dragged you just a little bit further in than you’d like or care to
admit? Here’s one way I’ve discovered in
which I am part of the problem rather than the solution. Like most everyone else, when I come home to
find my daughters dressed for Shabbos, or ready for a wedding, or wearing an
outfit I haven’t seen before, what’s the first thing I say? “Ohhh, beautiful!
You look so pretty!” Don’t we all, upon visiting
our friends and siblings, greet their daughters by commenting on how nice they
look?
Granted, it is a little awkward to suggest opening up with “Ohhh,
you are clearly very diligent and analytical!” First impressions inherently do
not lend themselves to seeing beneath the surface. But that doesn’t mean that focusing on the
surface is a wise alternative. If the
first thing your children hear from you concerns their appearance, what are
they to assume is your priority? Worse, what if you never do comment on their qualities of character or intelligence?
So I’m going to aim for a change. I’m done with being a part
of enslaving my girls to the tyranny of cultural pressures. I want my children to grow up knowing that
the most valuable part of themselves is not how they look (and even less how others think they look), that freedom is
more about choosing the right values and not the right shoes, and that ultimately
their bodies are not what is most valuable about them, but rather merely a
vessel to express that which is.
Postscript:
Admittedly, alternatives to commenting on our children’s cuteness aren’t so
easy to come up with. Here are some of
my ideas. Would love to hear some ideas from you in the comments!
- “It’s so nice you see you!”
- “That is a very creative hairdo!”
- “You look all ready for Shabbos!”
- “I see you’ve been a big helper by getting yourself dressed!”
